CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE

We shall study Christian marriage as an example of the effects of religion on the everyday life of its adherents and on society.

THINKING ABOUT THE CHRISTIAN VIEW OF MARRIAGE:

Before reading any further, jot down a few things which quickly come to mind when you hear the word "marriage", and discuss briefly amongst yourselves.

Rite of Passage:
A Christian couple's wedding day is a rite of passage - it is the first day of the rest of their life (which could be 60+ years!) Starry-eyed ideas of romance and "living happily ever after" are all very nice, but a Christian couple need to take a realistic look at the fact that they are in for the long haul - for life! Like anything else, marriage is hard work. This is why the couple make strongly worded vows - "for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness & in health, as long as we both shall live." They state, "I will" - meaning that they are going to exercise their will to stick at it, regardless of how they may feel. Beauty & romance don't last indefinitely. Other matters which need to be considered as a couple contemplate marriage include: children; money; mortgage; career aspirations. They need to remember also that each partner will inevitably change over the years. Circumstances can also change. One or other may lose job. One or other may lose health. (One even occasionally reads sad stories about one partner being severely injured on the honeymoon!)

We are studying marriage in the social dimension, because stable marriages and stable families are the basis of a stable society. Relationships at all levels need to be stable: husband/wife; parent/child; employer/employee. Read Eph. 5 & 6, where Paul talks about the principle of mutual submission, in all relationships.

Love: Revise the 4 Greek words (studied in the Ethics course in RS in Year 10):

  1. Storge - family affection - eg mother to child.
  2. Philia - friendship - people who enjoy each other's company whilst pursuing common interests - eg sport
  3. Eros - sexual attraction
  4. Agape - unconditional, self-sacrificial, self-giving love, which keeps giving regardless of response. This is based on the need of the recipient.

All four of these are necessary for a marriage to work long-term. Storge, philia and eros are all mutual, in that both parties benefit. Agape loves even if there is no giving back.


Many cultures have arranged marriages, which seem like an appalling idea to people brought up in a culture which emphasises young love as the basis for marriage. However, statistics show that arranged marriages often last longer, because based on will, rather than feelings. (Hence the note in the Marriage Service forbidding change from "as long as we both shall live" to "as long as we both shall love") See song - Love is not a Feeling

Intimacy: Christians believe that we are created for intimacy with God. No other intimacies will fully meet that need. It is foolish to expect marriage, or parent/child, or any other relationship to fill the "God-shaped gap" inside. 1 Cor.6:16-20 gives a Biblical view of intimacy.

Next, click to read a form of marriage service from the Uniting Church Prayer Book

THE CHRISTIAN VIEW OF MARRIAGE

Christian marry Christian. Read 2 Cor.6:14-15 (No - no link! Look it up in your Bible!). In the musical, "Fiddler on the Roof", a Jewish girl falls in love with a Christian man, and her father will not give his blessing to the marriage, saying, "A fish and a bird might fall in love - but where would they build their home?" Read 1 Cor.6-7. Christians, like members of any other religion, are encouraged to marry someone who shares their faith - because their faith is the basis of their entire life. How can you share your whole life with someone if you disagree about the most basic aspect of it?


Union - not just partnership - "the two become one flesh." The Christian view is that God has joined the two people so that they are now a new entity together - no longer two separate entities.


One man, one woman - i.e. no adultery, no same-sex relationships, no polygamy.


For life - divorce is not encouraged - but is permitted: there is acceptance that people make mistakes. Re-marriage is more of a problem. Why? One flesh. See Matt. 19:3-12 - click for Jesus' teaching on divorce.


Covenant -Christian marriage is a covenant relationship, involving not just the man and the woman, but also God. Christians believe that the Holy Spirit enables long-term commitment. See song - I could never promise you. See newspaper article about a 70 year marriage.

Authority. Marriage is a picture of the relationship between Christ and his "bride" the church. He gave his life for her, and she is now united with him in his resurrection, as we read in Eph.5:21-33. The practicalities of this in daily married life will obviously include negotiating and compromising where possible - but it is useful to have a rule (ethic) that says who has last word is necessary. The couple can agree to differ on some matters - but what if it's about where to live, or where to send the kids to school?! If the husband and wife cannot agree, they can submit to a Biblical teaching such as Eph.5:22-24, without the wife having to feel that she has "given in" or the husband being able to feel that he has "won the battle."


A Summary of New Testament teaching on the subject of marriage:

Paul's writing about marriage shows that he understands it to be a relationship of total complementarity: "In the Lord, woman is not independent of man, nor man of woman" (1 Cor.11:11). Both owe their existence to the other and cannot do without the other. Neither sex should claim superiority over the other: they are equal but different.

But how can that be reconciled with Paul's teaching on the woman's subordination in marriage? In 1 Cor. 11:3 he speaks of three headships: husband to wife; Christ and mankind (or perhaps 'the husband'); the Father and Christ. Christ is the 'head' over the man; the husband is 'head' over his wife. There is nothing derogatory about this: it is paralleled by the Father's 'headship' over Jesus. In each of these three relationships we see shared life and different roles.

In Eph.5:21ff Paul takes it further: both are to "be subject to one another out of reverence for Christ." In other words, the wife is to treat her husband as she would treat Jesus, and the husband is to treat his wife as Jesus would.

For the wife this will involve three things: She will submit to her husband as she would to the Lord (Eph.5:22,24). She will unite to him as she would to the Lord (v.31). She will respect him as she would the Lord (v.33).

But the husband must deserve it, as Jesus does. He too must subordinate his own desires for the sake of his wife. The form his submission takes is different but just as costly. He must protect his wife, as Christ protects or 'saves' his spouse the church (v.23). He must sacrifice himself for her, as Christ did for his people. He must take care of her as he does his own body: that is what Christ does for his Body and bride the church (v.29).

It is only to such loving self-sacrifice that the wife is told to submit. It is only self-giving love (agape) which deserves such submission.

It should be clear that Paul has the highest view of marriage and the deepest respect for women. The wife is to the husband what the Church is to Christ. It is impossible to go higher than that. Equally it is clear that in the family (and he is not talking about men and women in general but about husband and wife in the marriage bond) it is the task of the man, not the woman, to lead (1 Cor.11:3; Eph.5:22).

Michael Green: "Freed to Serve"

SUMMATIVE ASSESSMENT TASK:

Click here for context sheets (standard and modified)

Using the extracts from "The Message" version of the Bible, the passage from Matthew, and the marriage service excerpts, outline the Biblical basis for Christian attitudes to marriage and divorce.

Criteria for assessment: (Objectives 2, 4, 5)
C - Answer based on notes provided in this booklet.
B - Answer includes evidence of further understanding gained in class discussion.
A - Answer presented as essay structured on the themes of covenant and mutual submission.

 

MODIFIED ASSESSMENT TASK - SOCIAL DIMENSION

The Biblical Basis for the Christian View of Marriage:
Write separate paragraph answers using the headings given below:

1. Union - not just partnership. Matthew 19:2-9 - Jesus' teaching about the basics of marriage. Read Matt.19:4-6, where Jesus explains how God sees marriage.

(a) One man - one woman.
Explain the implications of this: no adultery, no same-sex relationships.

(b) For life - i.e. no divorce.
How long is "for life"? Marry at 25, live to 90 - could be 65 years! Things will change over that time. Eg: children, mortgage, employment ups and downs, health problems, interests develop and change, etc.
Read the whole of Matt.19:2-9. What is Jesus saying about divorce and re-marriage? Does God like divorce? Why? Then why does God permit divorce? In what circumstances is divorce acceptable? In what circumstances is divorce not acceptable? Is re-marriage acceptable? You may like to quote from Don Francisco's song, "Love is not a feeling" in this paragraph.

2. The Marriage Service - teachings about marriage as Covenant:

What is a covenant? Where in the Marriage Service do the man and woman say words which show that they are entering into a covenant? Note that Christians see marriage as a covenant between the man and woman and God, believing that, by the Holy Spirit, God can help them to fulfil their vows for long-term commitment. There are several lines in the two Don Francisco songs which refer to this idea. Quote from them as you write this paragraph.

3. 2 Cor.6:15 - Paul's teaching about Christians marrying Christians:

Note that most religions encourage people to marry within the religion, because a person's religious commitment is the basis for their whole life, and a married couple don't need disagreement at this level. For example, in "Fiddler on the Roof", when the third (Jewish) daughter announces that she has fallen in love with a Christian, her father forbids the marriage, saying, "A fish and a bird might fall in love - but where would they build their home?"

Read 2 Cor.6:15. What is Paul saying here about why a Christian should marry only another Christian?

4. 1 Cor.13:4-7 - Paul's teaching on Love (agape):

The Christian marriage vow is "as long as we both shall live" - not just "as long as we both shall love"! As we discussed with Don Francisco's song, "Love's not just a feeling - it's an act of your will." We have studied the four Greek words for "love": Storge - family affection. Philia - friendship - shared interests. Eros - sexual attraction. Agape - unconditional, self-giving, self-sacrificial - goes on loving no matter what the response.

Which of these would be needed for a successful marriage? Explain.

5. Eph.5:21-33 - Paul's teaching on mutual submission:

Marriage is a picture of the relationship between Christ and his "bride" the church. He gave his life for her, and so she is willing to live her life for him.

Some people see Paul's teaching in this passage as an excuse for husbands to dominate their wives. However, what does Paul say that proves that this is not true?